That Didn't Work Out At All...
So much for "live" blogging. My lifestyle just doesn't cooperate. After finishing that last post, I went to go lay down for a few minutes, and then 3 calls came out in rapid succession. There are 4 ambulances in the county. This is how my thought process went.
Dispatcher- 1463(the other southside truck) respond to blah blah blah...
Me- Oh thank you God. Maybe I can finally get some sleep. Hehehe. And everyone else is working.
Dispatcher- 1465(my truck) need you to move to the middle for coverage.
Me- God, that just wasn't funny at all.
Orange County works under the philosophy of "System Status Management" which means that if a truck from one area goes out, a truck from another area must rotate in that direction to maintain adequate coverage for the whole system. What this really means, is we spend a lot of time "covering" huge geographic areas, only to have the next call come out 10 feet from where we were.
In this case, we were told to go cover the ambiguous area known as the "middle". (Literally the middle of the whole county) We were the only truck available in a county of 170,00+ people. Were we about to get a call? Oh yes.
We turn around (because of course the call is back in the direction we came from) and head off to this call. It's another one that's near the county line, out in the middle of nowhere, and we're dispatched code 2 (no lights, no sirens). I tell my partner how to get there, then try to sleep for the 25 minutes it's going to take us to respond.
25 (sleepless) minutes later, after taking the dirt fork off the gravel road, we arrive at a very nice house back in the woods. The paramedic has already been on scene for 15 minutes at this point, and has all our information ready for us. This guy had a colonoscopy (camera up the butt) on Tuesday, and has been experiencing excruciating abdominal pain for the last 6 hours.
High points-
A first responder asks- "Do you take any over the counters?" Meaning OTC medications.
Paitent- "Do I have any ovaries???"
I point out the patient's Self-help and "Healing by Energetics" videos to my partner, who is from Hillsborough. If you're from around here, that will explain his response:
Partner- You think that's the problem? He tried to make hisself better with energizers up 'is butt?
Medic- Have your bowel movements been normal?
Patient- Well yes. I had one this morning, and it was normal. Normal color, normal texture.
Me (in my head)- How much time do you spend examining your bowel movements? Gross!
He gets a ride to the hospital.
While at UNC, I'm stopped by a patient in another room. He's a youngish guy, probably a couple of years older than I am, wearing a hospital gown and talking on a cell phone. He stops me and asks, completely coherently "Where am I?"
Me-*confused* UNC...
Guy- Thanks.
*on phone* I'm at UNC.
*to me* Where's that?
Me- Uhhh... Chapel Hill?
Guy- Thanks
Turns out this guy is talking on the phone to his wife who is flying in from Alaska today to pick him up from the hospital. I have no idea how he got there, or what he did to deserve it, but it must've been spectacular.
Guy- *on phone* Honey, I need you to bring me some pants. I don't have any pants.
We clear from the hospital, and start to head to the station so I can pick up my stuff, as it's the end of my shift. We make it about a quarter mile down the road before we're dispatched to the other side of the county to pick up a patient from a doctors office.
That's right folks. Doctors call 911, and they do it all the time. Doctors, are in general, idiots. Especially outside of a hospital. Don't trust them. At least until I'm one, then trust me and give me lots of money.
The dispatcher tells us this is an "adverse drug reaction" and the patient is having "uncontrolled movements". I call bullshit.
We arrive at the doctors office, to find this guy who is wildly flinging his arms and legs around in "uncontrolled" ways. He and his doctor believe this to be a side effect of his medication. I believe this to be a side effect of his multiple psychiatric disorders, and the fact that he is in general a crazy dude.
If you talk to him, or tell him to "concentrate" the movements stop. Ding Ding, we have a winner. Psychogenic folks. If he can control it, it's IN HIS HEAD. Unfortunately, I don't make decisions, I do as I'm told, which means I take this guy to Duke. While in the back he spends most of the time telling our cadet about his time in 'Nam, and how he paid his dues. PTSD anyone?
We give our report to the nurse at Duke, which considering this guy is totally alert, and a good historian, isn't a whole lot. I tell her what we found, what the doctor said, what the guy said, and hand her the paperwork from the doctor's office. She's being kind of a bitch throughout this process, so I eventually just ask her if she needs anything else. She promptly responds "No, I don't need anything else from you." (Emphasis her's.)
Done, I turn to walk out. She starts to fill out her paperwork, then turns to me and says "Hey! Can I get some help with his medications please?" She's still being snide by the way.
Pissed, I stalk over, glare at her, turn to the med list in the paperwork I handed her before her first bitchy comment, hand it to her, and walk out without another word. I don't like being treated like shit.
We clear from Duke, and I make it back to emergency management, and get the hell off of that truck. I head back to the station, and then home, with the intention of typing this out and making dinner.
Instead I get in bed at 7pm, and don't wake up until noon today. This is why we have circadian rhythms.
Dispatcher- 1463(the other southside truck) respond to blah blah blah...
Me- Oh thank you God. Maybe I can finally get some sleep. Hehehe. And everyone else is working.
Dispatcher- 1465(my truck) need you to move to the middle for coverage.
Me- God, that just wasn't funny at all.
Orange County works under the philosophy of "System Status Management" which means that if a truck from one area goes out, a truck from another area must rotate in that direction to maintain adequate coverage for the whole system. What this really means, is we spend a lot of time "covering" huge geographic areas, only to have the next call come out 10 feet from where we were.
In this case, we were told to go cover the ambiguous area known as the "middle". (Literally the middle of the whole county) We were the only truck available in a county of 170,00+ people. Were we about to get a call? Oh yes.
We turn around (because of course the call is back in the direction we came from) and head off to this call. It's another one that's near the county line, out in the middle of nowhere, and we're dispatched code 2 (no lights, no sirens). I tell my partner how to get there, then try to sleep for the 25 minutes it's going to take us to respond.
25 (sleepless) minutes later, after taking the dirt fork off the gravel road, we arrive at a very nice house back in the woods. The paramedic has already been on scene for 15 minutes at this point, and has all our information ready for us. This guy had a colonoscopy (camera up the butt) on Tuesday, and has been experiencing excruciating abdominal pain for the last 6 hours.
High points-
A first responder asks- "Do you take any over the counters?" Meaning OTC medications.
Paitent- "Do I have any ovaries???"
I point out the patient's Self-help and "Healing by Energetics" videos to my partner, who is from Hillsborough. If you're from around here, that will explain his response:
Partner- You think that's the problem? He tried to make hisself better with energizers up 'is butt?
Medic- Have your bowel movements been normal?
Patient- Well yes. I had one this morning, and it was normal. Normal color, normal texture.
Me (in my head)- How much time do you spend examining your bowel movements? Gross!
He gets a ride to the hospital.
While at UNC, I'm stopped by a patient in another room. He's a youngish guy, probably a couple of years older than I am, wearing a hospital gown and talking on a cell phone. He stops me and asks, completely coherently "Where am I?"
Me-*confused* UNC...
Guy- Thanks.
*on phone* I'm at UNC.
*to me* Where's that?
Me- Uhhh... Chapel Hill?
Guy- Thanks
Turns out this guy is talking on the phone to his wife who is flying in from Alaska today to pick him up from the hospital. I have no idea how he got there, or what he did to deserve it, but it must've been spectacular.
Guy- *on phone* Honey, I need you to bring me some pants. I don't have any pants.
We clear from the hospital, and start to head to the station so I can pick up my stuff, as it's the end of my shift. We make it about a quarter mile down the road before we're dispatched to the other side of the county to pick up a patient from a doctors office.
That's right folks. Doctors call 911, and they do it all the time. Doctors, are in general, idiots. Especially outside of a hospital. Don't trust them. At least until I'm one, then trust me and give me lots of money.
The dispatcher tells us this is an "adverse drug reaction" and the patient is having "uncontrolled movements". I call bullshit.
We arrive at the doctors office, to find this guy who is wildly flinging his arms and legs around in "uncontrolled" ways. He and his doctor believe this to be a side effect of his medication. I believe this to be a side effect of his multiple psychiatric disorders, and the fact that he is in general a crazy dude.
If you talk to him, or tell him to "concentrate" the movements stop. Ding Ding, we have a winner. Psychogenic folks. If he can control it, it's IN HIS HEAD. Unfortunately, I don't make decisions, I do as I'm told, which means I take this guy to Duke. While in the back he spends most of the time telling our cadet about his time in 'Nam, and how he paid his dues. PTSD anyone?
We give our report to the nurse at Duke, which considering this guy is totally alert, and a good historian, isn't a whole lot. I tell her what we found, what the doctor said, what the guy said, and hand her the paperwork from the doctor's office. She's being kind of a bitch throughout this process, so I eventually just ask her if she needs anything else. She promptly responds "No, I don't need anything else from you." (Emphasis her's.)
Done, I turn to walk out. She starts to fill out her paperwork, then turns to me and says "Hey! Can I get some help with his medications please?" She's still being snide by the way.
Pissed, I stalk over, glare at her, turn to the med list in the paperwork I handed her before her first bitchy comment, hand it to her, and walk out without another word. I don't like being treated like shit.
We clear from Duke, and I make it back to emergency management, and get the hell off of that truck. I head back to the station, and then home, with the intention of typing this out and making dinner.
Instead I get in bed at 7pm, and don't wake up until noon today. This is why we have circadian rhythms.
posted by C at 1:04 PM
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